Meditation of My Heart is a monthly series. I hope to share a piece of my heart to inspire you to let God into yours.

I watched an interesting movie recently, Diary of a Tired Black Man. I immediately thought I would see a Tyler Perry clone, but it was far from what I expected. The “movie” is a documentary with fictionalized scenarios addressing the manner in which black men and black women interact in relationships.

The movie was mentioned during a brief discussion at bible study and I thought I’d check it out to unwind a bit. Parts were overly dramatic. I found myself laughing at the outbursts, put-off by the foul language, yet nodding in agreement at the accurate attempts to share the core of the issues between men and women. As I powered down my DVD player I compared my thoughts about the highs and lows expressed in the movie to the men and women in the bible.

My mind is overflowing with the word right now. I am working on a reading program and, as always, reading the word daily and in such close proximity has challenged me. I find myself surprised, shocked, amazed, enthralled at what I’m reading. My time reading has opened the floodgates to introspection, self-evaluation, and an awareness of God that I plan to share with you another day.

Today, I’d like to consider my role as a wife, furthermore, my power as a woman to the man in my life, which is my husband for almost 14 years.

Flawed Helpmate by Dana Pittman


Women in the Bible

The women in the bible yielded such power—physical and mental—over the men in their lives much like the men in the movie. I could name many women from the bible but I will identify a few: Eve, Delilah and Bathsheba.

I’ve read their stories before. But I doubt whether I viewed their situations from the lens of relationships between a man and a woman. Furthermore, the consequences bore by Adam, Samson, and David.

Do I Build or Tear Down My Husband?

It made me consider, how do I, as a wife, build my husband up and what do I that can tear him down. As his helpmate, I was created as a companion and we are joined as one before God. Whether I’m praying or arguing with my husband I am a direct reflection of him.

What I do to him, I am doing to myself. Thus, I am undoubtedly uplifting or degrading myself and the unity that God created in our marriage.


Ephesians 5:25 – 33 (NIV)

(25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

(26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

(27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

(28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

(29) After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

(30) for we are members of his body.

(31) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

(32) This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

(33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Read Online.


Journal and/or reflect on the following questions:

  • Am I a flawed helpmate to my spouse?
  • Do I treat my spouse as I would like to be treated?
  • Am I treating my spouse as Christ treats the church?
  • How can I change my words, my actions, my thoughts?
  • How are my actions affecting the unity in my marriage?
  • God commands us to love one another, how is my disobedience in this matter affecting me?


Heavenly Father, As our helper, Lord help us honor our husbands and our marriages because You have made us one. Help us to see our faults and need for forgiveness. Help us remember that in flesh and spirit we are Yours. That we, as husband and wife, have great strength and power in You and our covenant brings us closer to each other and You. Lord help us keep our faith in You and to love each others as You love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Question: How can you love others more like Christ?

  1. Carol Justice 9 years ago

    Hello Dana, I must tell you, after reading “Flawed Helpmate”, I had to get in the mirror, there were questions I needed answer’s too. Questions, Question, Questions! First, allow me to say; I’m a divorcée. I’m patiently preparing myself for the man God has for me. Meanwhile there are some things I’ve had to work through; within myself. Just know that God is faithful! He heals the broken hearted. The questions I now asked myself are; Can I have a loving relationship/marriage? Is it possible to have someone connected genuinely to love, and will love you genuinely? I’ve experienced loving a man; whether it’s your husband or your significant other; somewhere, someone falls short in the love era.Therefore it leaves a woman such as myself cautious, when it comes to loving him. Yes, I’m an encourager that’s me; that’s who I am.But I also know it comes from me loving Christ first. Thanks be to God! But as a women, and a human being I feel it’s only natural for me to be concerned about this. I totally agree with you, in order to love someone you must love yourself, and love God before you can began to share love with anyone. I’m at a crossroad sister? If someone tells you they love Christ, and seemingly do all the right things; but yet their actions differ; what do you do when you’ve already said the “I do” word? Yes Dana, it all starts great but down the road, Mr.? shows up. Yes,we must build up and not tear down our men; Tell me why are we consistently coming up short? I’ve read the books, watch the movies, and listen to black men tell all series. and I’m still at a crossroad? Can you give me more to work with Mrs.Dana?.

    • Author
      Dana Pittman 9 years ago


      You are right to have questions. I thank you for your response and approving my usage of this message for a few other posts.

      In the meantime, pray. I know you are a praying woman but in the weeks to come ask God to shine a light in the places that seem dim and dark. I will have specific responses to the questions above.

      However, I believe your praying will assist us both as we address your crossroad because I don’t think you’re alone in this matter.

      Take care and look for more from me soon.

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